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Old 01-28-2014, 09:42 PM   #1
McKnight
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[FANFIC] Starbound

This is my Earthbound-trilogy-inspired fanfic that I mention on this forum every now and then. Basically, what's going on, is that Kagami, Konata, Miyuki, and an OC (actually from another anime) are chosen by some magical gemstones to go on a worldwide adventure and fight aliens seeking to take residence on their home planet. Said stones do their hair up into "beehives" (similar to Hiyori's in my signature), reside in it, and give their newfound hosts a sixth sense and psionic powers, in order to enable them to fulfill their destiny.

(For anyone wondering, don't worry, Tsukasa will be along for the ride as well. Ditto for four other girls they will meet along the way, and even the very first guy they will make real friends with.)

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Kasukabe, a suburban town in Saitama, Japan.

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The year is 200X.

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Ryouou High School


“What a horrible smell,” said a girl with long, butterscotch-colored hair, while pinching her nose shut.

“Ugh! Does it stink or what!” replied a girl with long, lavender hair done in narrow twin ponytails. She, too, was holding her nose

Just then, the classroom door slid open, and both girls let go of their noses as they looked to see who was at the door.

“Kagami-sama!!!” a certain short, flat-chested, blue-haired girl called from the threshold. “Did you get the assignment for world history?”

“I did, and don’t think I’m gonna show you my work,” replied the twin-tailed girl.

“Aww, don’t be so stingy,” said the bluenette.

“You never change, Konata.” A few seconds went by, before she continued. “Look! Graduation is only a few months away! If you don’t start cleaning up your act now, how will you expect to manage yourself in college, or even in the real world?”

Konata then picked up one of Kagami’s ponytails, and started tugging playfully at it.

“Put it down, Konata.”

“Not until you let me see your homework.”

“For the last time, you are not seeing my answers!!!!!” she shouted as she yanked the piece of hair out of her friend’s hand. “Not like I put all that effort into my schoolwork just so you can leech off of me or something!”

Everything was silent for about half a minute, before Konata started speaking again.

“Come to think of it, when did you start wearing pigtails?”

“Back in Junior High. At some point, I just randomly decided to try them out, just for the heck of it, but then I started getting comments from people saying how cute I looked. Until then, Tsukasa was always the cute one, while I normally got compliments about how mature and responsible I am, so hearing something different felt nice for a change.”

“Come to think of it,” said Ayano, “I’ve been thinking of trying out a different hairstyle. Not sure what, though, but I don’t want Misa-chan to laugh at me if I put too much effort into it.”

“That’s a good idea,” said Kagami. “Konata, don’t you ever think of trying something out yourself? I mean, you have grown it out long enough to do whatever you want with.”

“I’d rather do it in the presence of others,” the blue-haired girl answered. “It’s no fun to do it when you’re all alone.”

“Don’t you think you might get more of a reaction when you try something out in private, and then come out to show it off?” Ayano asked.

“Hmmmm… I guess you’re right. Maybe I should take that approach.”

The next morning…

Kagami yawned as she woke up, and stretched before climbing out of bed. She then wandered into the kitchen, settling down at the table and getting started with her bowl of rice for the morning.

“That’s a nice hairstyle you’ve tried out, Kagami," her mother, Miki, said, while looking up and staring oddly at it.

She stopped in the middle of a chopstickful. "Huh?"

“What made you decide to try that out?” asked her father, Tadao.

“What are you talking about?”

Her sisters came in, only to freeze and stare. After a beat, they started snickering.

Kagami reached up to her hair, only to find it missing in the back. Going up, she found all her hair bunched up on her head. She tried pulling down a strand, but as soon as she let it go it shot back up as if magnetically attracted.

She stood up so quickly her chair dropped over and ran to the bathroom.

What she saw in the mirror was terrible. All her hair was bunched up on her head in the shape of a large oval. She tried pulling at it again, but the effect stayed the same. As she failed to undo it, she became increasingly panicked. Going to school like this was be totally humiliating; she had to get it back to normal.

Furiously, she ran back to the kitchen.

“All right, which one of you did this to me?” she asked sharply.

Confused, everyone looked at one another. No one admitted to anything, or knew why she’d form her hair in such a way that she’d be embarrassed about, or how anyone else would have been able to pull such a stunt off on her… or for that matter, how the strands she tried to pull back down moments earlier rearranged themselves back in position. Even Kagami herself didn’t take long to wonder how anyone could have done that to her in her sleep without her waking up at their constant touching.

The whole way to school, she continued in vain to pull at the strands, dreading how people would react to this sudden change, as well as such an awkward hairstyle itself.

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Not long after she and Tsukasa reached school grounds did Konata come to greet them, her hair also done up into a beehive.

“You too?” the sisters both asked in unison.

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(Continue reading here.)

(Even though the first chapter and the beginning of the second intentionally do mirror the starting events of Earthbound and Earthbound Zero, I am planning for the rest of the story to be mostly much more original.)
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:01 PM   #2
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Just finished reading the Chapter 1 ^^.

You did a good work overall! Pretty intriguing fanfic, however I never saw the other anime before, neither I played Earthbound, so some things are a little confusing for me...

I'll probably continue reading it later. If you're interested, I'm also a fanfic writer ^^. My one is called Two Sides of The Same Coin, a dramatic comedy romance lol. The link for it is here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9009563...-The-Same-Coin

I don't create a thread because I'm lazy lol :P.

~Lord
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Old 01-28-2014, 11:44 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XxLordxX View Post
Just finished reading the Chapter 1 ^^.

You did a good work overall! Pretty intriguing fanfic, however I never saw the other anime before, neither I played Earthbound, so some things are a little confusing for me...
Would you like to discuss whatever confused you?

Read the first chapter of your fic, btw.
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Old 01-29-2014, 12:42 AM   #4
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Would you like to discuss whatever confused you?

Read the first chapter of your fic, btw.
Well... After a re-read it became less confusing, it was about the all alien set and such... Also that Kagami's relative. Well... One thing that I thought a little weird was the fight. I mean. The cast isn't experienced in fights, also they should be a little scared before starting to fight, and the thing of the crow attacking Miyuki's eyes, I don't know if you ever had the sad experience of having someone landing a finger on your eye, it HURTS a lot! Now I imagine a bird attacking me on the eye... That would be no fun T.T...

Other than that, it was an amazing work ;). The first chapter of mine is something I need to retype.. I really didn't like it too much after I released the other chapters... It was my first try typing a Romance/Lucky Star fanfic, and it wasn't a very good first attempt xD. But the other chapters are getting better and better. My fav one is 12, that's going to be released this Thursday. Any thoughts on it ATM?

~Lord
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Old 01-29-2014, 10:02 AM   #5
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Can't say I have any real thoughts on Two Sides, but I'll continue reading it. In the meantime, I do hope to read your thoughts on the subsequent chapters of my fic.
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Old 01-30-2014, 02:12 PM   #6
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And I finished Chapter 2. I think you improved from 1 to 2, while 1 there were some parts that I got bored quickly, on 2 I didn't face any of these.

I don't have much to speak about this one though, you did a great work again ;). I really liked the way you made the characters feelings. Just uploaded the so far best Two Sides chapter BTW xD.
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Old 01-30-2014, 02:29 PM   #7
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Oh? Which parts did you get bored of in the first chapter?
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Old 01-31-2014, 02:11 AM   #8
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The whole start of their beehive hair... Sorry.. I'm not too much into it ^^. I was a bit curious, but got a little bored... Don't get me wrong, it was done nicely, it's just my lack of interest in the beginning... But I guess everyone has some problems with the start ^^'.

~Lord
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Old 01-31-2014, 12:32 PM   #9
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I see.

Well, my grandmother started reading it weeks ago, but didn't maintain interest in it mainly due to my writing style (which my two closest friends told me is rather bland).

I did read a few chapters of your fic, and will admit that none of it held my interest that much (especially the parts focusing on the band). I am glad you read at least two chapters of my fic, though. Always an enjoyable experience when two people read each others' ideas and know about each others' readings of their own stories.
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Old 01-31-2014, 05:23 PM   #10
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I see.

Well, my grandmother started reading it weeks ago, but didn't maintain interest in it mainly due to my writing style (which my two closest friends told me is rather bland).

I did read a few chapters of your fic, and will admit that none of it held my interest that much (especially the parts focusing on the band). I am glad you read at least two chapters of my fic, though. Always an enjoyable experience when two people read each others' ideas and know about each others' readings of their own stories.
And I'm done with your fanfic, quite short I must say. The chapter 3 was interesting, but I guess fav was the second. Mainly because it explained quite well what was happening. I'll be waiting for more ;). I'm getting curious about what is going to happen.

Your writing style is quite peculiar, personally I have nothing against it, I mean, it's not the best, but there's nothing for me to complain.

I understand your view on Two Sides, specially after reading your. I mean, mine is a dramatic romance story lol, while your is quite adventurous, quite different here hehe. And for the band parts, well, they are characters I created for fun, I mean, having a metal band created completely by you in your fanfic is amazing xD. Also, nothing of the story would happen without Children of Hell xD.

It is indeed cool ^^. I have two friends who are my "preview readers", they are loving Two Sides so far :D. And me too. So I believe I won't change it hehe. Also, my favorite parts come in the second arc (Ch7-12), if you still want to read, these are the best scenes IMHO.

~Lord
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